Hope
by spacegypsy1
Summary: A missing Vala, a frantic Daniel. Search and Rescue or Life and Death? Daniel's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Hope

Spacegypsy1

Rated PG13 – language, angst

Pairing – Daniel and Vala

Timeline – After AoT

A missing Vala, a frantic Daniel. Search and Rescue or Life and Death? Daniel's POV.

**~Chapter One**

"_Oft hope is born when all is forlorn."_ **~ J. R. R. Tolkien**

I sucked in air through clenched teeth hoping the horrendous pain would subside quickly. I am dying, bleeding out on a scorched and barren plateau. I don't want to live. She's gone. Really gone. She was right in front of me. Right here. She cried out my name when I was hit and then... then the fiery blast hit her so hard she went flying into the air. Oh god, oh god. And she disappeared over the cliff.

_Daniel. _The low gentle voice called.

"Mom?" Oh god I hurt so bad. I'm hearing things.

A soft laugh accompanied the kindly spoken, "No."

I thought I was seeing the proverbial white light of death until I felt a warm and familiar sensation directly over the hole in my body. Alteran! Who the hell was left that I hadn't directly or indirectly sent into some infinite, never ending struggle, or simply into oblivion? Were there others I don't remember who wait on their turn to manipulate me... through eternity? "Enough! Stop! Stop. Let me die. Let me die and ascend me or let me just die and stop this agonizing pain. I will never come back to this life. I can't do that without her. Do not heal me. I loved her so much. I never told her that." I was crying like a helpless baby. I couldn't stop. The physical pain and the emotional turmoil had me whimpering like a sick animal. "Please. Please. It hurts so bad."

The pain suddenly was gone and I knew. I knew I faced much, much worse. "Damn you! NO!" But the unknown healer was gone, as was my wound. I would live.

Sam called my name from far off. The unmistakable sound of running followed, Mitchell yelling something and Teal'c answering drew closer. I'll live. God damn it, I will live.

~0i0~

The first time I ever saw her I was hooked. She truly was the most amazing, beautiful woman and it'd been a very long time since I'd felt that kind of attraction.

She is my opposite, my nemesis. My soulmate. My albatross. The thing I most want. The thing I cannot tolerate. My ruination. My salvation. My paradox. Does she really care for me, or is she using me? I rejected the opportunity to find out. For what?

I could never forget that kiss on the Prometheus. The earth shook... or the ship. It was as though she breathed her soul into mine and took me as her host. And still I fought. For years and when I finally, finally, came to understand that she was the other half of me... she was gone.

The first time that happened to me, when I lost my wife, I shut down my heart. And Vala found a way to jump start it. And when I so loved her and so wanted her... forever and ever, she too was gone.

I stared across the room at the dirty and tattered remains of the giraffe I had dug out from what little of her pack someone found.

My eyes stung and I wondered as I had for every second of the last twenty four hours, how the hell could there be any tears left in my body? I can't understand how anyone thinks real men don't cry? I would gladly bear the unbearable pain from my wound to have avoided this insanity. I want to believe that she could have survived. I want to.

The memory of her face that showed such horror. The scream that ripped from her throat. The way her body seemed devoid of bone as she appeared to sail over the edge. This haunts me like a freight train barreling towards me, its light blinding me, its horn screaming at me.

Hearing footsteps approaching I wiped at the stupid worthless tears, put my glasses back on and ducked my head, pretending to write notes in my journal.

"Hey." Sam says, attempting normal and failing.

"Hey." I responded tersely.

"Daniel."

The way she says my name angers me. Doused with pity. Concern. Love. I hate all of it! I hate them! They dog me every hour, hoping I am… am... normal. Well, I'm not and I won't ever be again. I stood suddenly.

"Look!" Having finally had enough, I shot out of my chair so fast it slammed into the wall behind me. "I don't need baby-sitting. I'm not going to slit my wrists, or take a bunch of pills or shoot myself... god knows I wish I had the balls to, but I don't. Please stop checking up on me!" I dropped my head down; I pinched the bridge of my nose under my glasses. I wanted to run. Or scream profanity endlessly. Or disappear, vanish.

Her shocked gasp made me feel guilty but when I looked up she was sobbing, not gasping as she sputtered out. "There... there is always hope that she..."

I yelled. I yelled so loud my body shook. "God damn, it! STOP! I saw her die, a horrible death. I saw it. Saw it. Saw it!"

Standing up straighter, Sam yelled just as loud, "I've seen you die! On more than one occasion!"

Admittedly, I calmed down a bit faced with her anger. "This is different." I say, trying to make her understand.

"NO!" Her teeth all but ground out her words. "I watched you burn, heard you scream..." This time I didn't take the sob as a gasp. "I sat by and watched as you were eaten alive by radiation. In such pain I could not comprehend, all the while trying to comfort us!" Sam covered her mouth with the back of her hand for a moment, her eyes narrowed at me, then her hand dropped to her side, fisted. "Please, Daniel. Just consider the facts. She could be out there somewhere. Alone. Waiting. I know you loved her."

Those words hit me like a well aimed blow and I stumbled back a step as she continued.

"Vala is my friend... and... and... I can't stop thinking she might need our help! You always shut people out to wallow in your personal hell. Fine! But I won't give up. We won't give up. And you shouldn't either. You never have. Why now?"

"Because," I say in a jagged whisper. "I'm fucking crazy. I can't take anymore loss. I can't."

"I know you're crazy. You have a right to be. BUT... if you will pretend to be sane and pass your psych eval you can accompany us. There's a newly refurbished ship. The _George Hammond_, I'm cleared to take it out on a maiden voyage, an investigative mission. No one should be left behind on some planet, out in the universe. If nothing else, we can... we can bring her... bring her body back. We have four days. Teal'c and Cam have already been approved to join me."

I must have looked as crazy as I am because she stared, uncertain.

At that moment, Mitchell entered my office, looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Wasn't it Freud that said," he paused and initiated bunny quotes with his fingers, "and I quote, 'A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes, but to get into accord with them; they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world'. So, Jackson, you goin' or not?"

~0i0~

It's scary how easily I passed my psychological evaluation.

I'm staring out the window, only vaguely aware of the stars, and no saner than I was before. The_ George Hammond_ hums beneath my feet. I don't know most of the people on this ship. They are all so young. I feel so old. I have little time to myself, as Teal'c and Mitchell and occasionally Sam hover like mother hens. Funny, right?

I had a long conversation with Jack before we left Earth. Grilling him about the time they thought I had died a horrible, fiery death. Amazingly, he was patient and answered every question I fired rapidly at him. He paused less than a heartbeat after answering my last question, and said, "Daniel, don't be a dick. Crazy doesn't work for me. Come back safe and... well, I hope you find her, she suits you."

And standing here I realize she did... hopefully, does suit me. I will hold onto the hope that she is out there waiting for me. And that I suit her. I can't think of anything else right now. I can only hope. And pray. And search. Hell, I didn't want to hope. Or pray. Or search. I'm too afraid of the outcome. Sam was right, I do want to wallow in self pity. I want to crawl in a hole and die. But here I am. Again. I survived this same scenario before. I will survive it again, and this time I will not regret it. Maybe, just maybe there is hope.

"Vala." I whispered her name out loud, my heart not silently breaking, but shattering with the force of a Naquadah bomb.

~0i0~ TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Hope

Spacegypsy1

**~Chapter Two**

"_The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it's no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won't come." __**J.R.R. Tolkien**__**,**_

~0i0~

The beep of the intercom took my attention away from my thoughts and the endlessness of space. I turned towards the comm at the same time as Teal'c and Mitchell. All three of us had been silently watching the stars.

Sam manipulated the ship's controls as we waited, hoping.

"Ba'al!" When Sam spoke that foul name, the rest of us turned back to the view screen.

"Colonel Carter, how very nice to see you. I understand you are looking for someone."

Though I thought it not possible, my heart sank further with the words from that cocky son of a bitch. I wanted to scream!

However, Sam remained calm as she spoke. "Possibly. What do you know?"

"I know that I put a hefty bounty on Dr. Jackson's head. I wanted him dead because he would never stop looking for her." For an instant, Ba'al took his gaze to me... oddly, for an instant seeming to understand my current state. "I see Dr. Jackson's propensity for being impossible to kill must be true. I had a very hefty reward for Qetesh, alive and well. I found out through my spies that the bounty hunter I hired failed. And another has taken his place. However, Qete..."

"Her name is Vala!" I glared at the view screen, knowing it was useless.

And of course, Ba'al ignored me. "Qetesh was injured, but is alive. Rah'lee, the bounty hunter, is notorious for being heartless and cruel. And often careless. As I said, I did not send her after Dr. Jackson and Qetesh, I sent another who is now dead by her hand. Rah'lee has a very fast ship. I am sending you the coordinates of the planet she is headed for. I know this for a fact because this is the rendezvous point for my people to pay off the bounty hunter. Do not waste time asking questions, suffice it to say I cannot, at this time, go after her myself." Ba'al turned slowly in my direction. "And good luck, Dr. Jackson."

As the screen went blank Sam was already laying in the course.

The ship we chased had a twenty-four hour lead. Sam assured us she could make up half that for sure and possibly more. The _George Hammond_ would be pushed to her limits. Still, we had a long wait.

~0i0~

I sit alone in the mess, again staring out towards the stars, but not seeing a thing. Apparently I have no control over reliving the night before the fateful mission... the night I showed up at her door.

I've lived a life of sorrow, and for most, or at least half of my life, it's been my own fault. My world was shattered as a child, then destroyed after a mere year of bliss on Abydos, and I lay down in my self-pity and refused to get up.

And then Vala showed up in my life.

Years, long, crazy, scary, painful, dangerous, mind blowing years kept my growing feelings shrouded. Mostly from Vala and myself. However, things had calmed down and my need for her, both physically and emotionally, and my growing love, kept bubbling up.

I hadn't realized how lonely I could feel without her. Each time she left, escaping the Prometheus, returning with the bracelets, leaving again, I did miss her though I pretended not to. Then she disappeared into the Ori galaxy and I knew I was experiencing something I did not want to feel. And when I lost her on my watch, to Charlotte Mayfield, old feelings rumbled through me like lava about to erupt. The same feelings I had when I realized Sha're had been taken as a host. I knew I had to do something. I don't know why I didn't when I found her, took her into my arms and held her tight. But once I knew she was safe, and healed my old habits returned and still I did not take that chance on life.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to her. We'd had a fight, worse than most. It was my fault. I'm an idiot. Any fool, and gods know I'm the biggest fool out there, could see she truly cares for me. Old fears had kept me from admitting that I care for her. I no longer wanted to keep that to myself.

The walk across the corridor in the bowels of Stargate Command, at 0200 hours, was by far the longest walk of my life.

With one knuckle I knocked, then, feeling like a stupid chump for waking her up, I turned to walk away.

"Daniel?"

The way she says my name is always loaded with a so many meanings. This time hope and curiosity rolled off her tongue with my name.

I turned back towards her. The way she looked at me was all I needed. I walked right into her room. Took her in my arms.

My mind's eye can't conjure up, now, all the intimate details of the hours I spent... we spent, wrapped in each others arms. Though I know. I know. That instant when I felt, knew, embraced the knowledge that her feelings for me were real, honest. The feel of her flesh, long denied, the indescribable feeling of coming into her, holding, kissing, loving her. Vala was so alive. Oh gods. Why didn't I tell her how I felt?

~0i0~

We arrived at the coordinates just in time to capture the vile Rah'lee escaping the planet. Luckily, the crew hit her ship's engines before she got off the ground.

Vala was not on board.

Once an attractive woman, now hardened by ruthlessness, Rah'lee showed no fear when Teal'c hauled her aboard for questioning.

When Sam entered the cell she detected Naquadah in the bounty hunter's blood. "Former Host or Tok'ra?" Sam asked.

"Tok'ra Ha! I despise the Tok'ra. I would rather be a Goa'uld than the spineless Tok'ra!" Rah'lee, hands bound, tossed the strands of hair out of her face and, eyes narrowed, glared, boldly.

Without a blink of an eye, I shoved the woman roughly until she fell back on the cot. "Where's Vala?" I asked in no uncertain terms, my voice remaining deceptively calm.

She winked with a cold attempt at flirtation. "I see you live. I'm not the least bit sorry, though I am somewhat confused as to how. You truly cannot be killed, can you? It doesn't matter, it would be a shame to waste such a body."

I got right in her face. "Where. Is. She?"

"Not here, handsome." Rah'lee shrugged one shoulder and grinned. "There was nothing to do but leave her behind. I wasn't going to drag her nearly lifeless body here. Ba'al would have been so disappointed."

"Where?" Mitchell asked, pushing me back with one arm.

The bounty hunter took on a playfully innocent look. "I told you. I dumped the half dead bitch on some backwards planet."

I lunged. My hand wrapped around her throat.

"Whoa! Jackson!" Mitchell pulled at me but I wasn't going to budge. I wanted to kill her.

"Daniel Jackson!" Teal'c grabbed my collar, holding me less than two feet from the woman. "She is the only one who knows where Vala Mal Doran is!"

Then Mitchell leaned down to grin murderously in her face. "Here's the deal, Mz Rah'lee. Tell us EXACTLY where Vala is or I'll let Cujo here loose and the rest of us will walk away." He stood and turned, his gaze on me. There was a determined look in his eyes that gave me a bit of hope.

Rah'lee's gaze honed in on me. Then slowly moved to each of the others, "Sar'rac. She is on Sar'rac. Sector ten. There's a town there, Kirkus. I left her there. She was alive."

~0i0~

We left Rah'lee down in the brig locked up and under guard while we raced towards the coordinates she'd given us for Sar'rac. A planet we'd never heard of. One that wasn't on the cartouche. One which probably had no Stargate.

On the bridge, I leaned against a console lost in thought. Someone handed me a cup of fresh coffee. I looked up and Sam smiled. My face would not offer up the simplest smile, but I nodded my thanks.

I had been thinking about Rah'lee. I couldn't help but compare the bounty hunter's life to Vala's… or more correctly what Vala could have become had she not stolen the _Prometheus_.

Had I not met her.

Had she not come looking for me after she escaped.

Escaped! I spewed the sip of coffee I'd just taken, "Damn! Check the brig…"

Before I could finish Sam's 2IC called out in surprise, "Someone just took an F302 out of the bay. I can't get a lock."

"Rah'lee." Mitchell and I said in unison as Sam called out, "Pursue! Now!"

I should have known.

We lost Rah'lee. Lost her and in doing so, lost Vala.

~0i0~

The coordinates, of course, turned out to be useless. We returned to the planet where we'd found Rah'lee. Nearly a week of questioning and searching got us nowhere. Not a soul had ever heard of Rah'lee, Vala or much less, Sar'rac.

"We can't leave!" I insisted once Sam had been ordered to return to Earth. "We can't leave her behind. No one gets left behind, remember? No one."

"Jackson. We are NOT leaving Vala behind! She isn't here." Mitchell looked nearly as forlorn as me standing on the bridge, hands on hips and head down. "We've got to get some help. Get together with our allies. We need help to find her." He looked me dead in the eyes. " And we will. We will find her."

"Son of a bitch. We've lost. We've lost, Vala. Oh gods. Vala."

"Daniel," Sam crooned. "There's still hope."

Unable to hold on, I huffed out on a weary breath. "Hope is such an ugly word."

~TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Hope

Spacegypsy1

**~Chapter Three**

"_Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."_ ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Even though it's been a year, every mission I tell myself this is my last day with SG-1. I'll leave, run if I must, find a way to search the cosmos... forever if I have to.

And then, every day I think, maybe today. Maybe somehow, someone will find her, and Vala will walk through the Stargate. I have learned, and been repeatedly reminded by my friends, that hope is much better then despair.

That's what I do. I mean it took ten years to reach a point where I could think of someone other than Sha're in my life.

And so now, I may have to face the next ten years getting over Vala. And I have to confess to myself that it's harder. Much harder. I think it's because I knew... I've known Vala longer.

The razor in my hand slips into the sink and I look up in the mirror at my clean shaven face. I don't know why I bother.

As I slip into my t-shirt, I silently recite my morning mantra... 'we do infrequenlty get intel reports and just because none of them seem to pan out does not mean, after ex number of days, weeks, months, all is hopeless'.

I pick up my jeans, don them and sit on the bench to slip on my socks. I don't often wear a uniform. I rarely leave my office. Or Stargate Command for that matter. I refuse to go on missions that aren't associated with finding Vala. Not with my own team, not with others. Surprisingly, I still have a job. Mitchell considers me 'on leave' indefinitely.

I'm still concerned about what I said or didn't say to Vala that morning I left her bed. It haunts me day and night.

I'm a mess.

Remembering that I heard my cell phone ringing earlier I check to see who called me. It was Mitchell. Just as I hit speed dial, he rushed in the locker room.

"Son of a bitch, man! Get your boots on! And put your God damned uniform on! We're leaving. _Now_."

"What?"

"Intel. Good intel. Jaffa intel. Teal'c's on the ship waiting! With two Jaffa he drug along who just returned after bein' way out on some long term search for some rebel Jaffa holdouts. They've got the intel. We have coordinates. No gate address. It'll take two, maybe three weeks, a month tops. We have a ship. We have got to go before someone decides to..."

"What ship?"

"Hell, man, I have no idea. Does it matter? Meet up in the conference room. A-sap!"

~0i0~

Mitchell and I joined Sam and Teal'c and the two other Jaffa on board the _Daedalus_.

I'd barely quit tingling from the transfer when Teal'c began to speak in what could only be described as Jaffa excitement... meaning ever so slightly faster than usual.

"It is good to see all of you again. Although I was only gone a few weeks I found that I had a strong desire to see you again."

"It's called 'missed you', Teal'c." Mitchell offered to lighten our mood.

The classic Teal'c brow raise was our Jaffa's response to that. "These two Jaffa, Meln'c and Ork, have been away for some time searching for our brethren Jaffa who have yet to come forward since the destruction of the Goa'uld... "

Frustrated, I interrupted. "Get to the point, Teal'c."

Nodding, Teal'c continued. "At some point about a year ago their ship malfunctioned and they landed on a small unchartted planet. When they returned to Dakara recently, they heard that Vala Mal Doran had been missing. Meln'c reported seeing a woman who could have been Vala Mal Doran."

"I had not met Vala Mal Doran." Meln'c stated. "I did however met Qetesh long ago, and I believe that Val Mal Doran is who I saw. Also, I think she wore the uniform of SG teams."

"Alive?" was all I could come up with.

"Yes. She was moving under her own power, though she did hold her side, there was blood on her clothing. She looked... pale, tired, disheveled. I remember it was snowing. And she was alone and wore nothing to protect her from the cold. When she saw us, she darted into the woods. I am sorry I did not approach her. It was not until I returned to Dakara and heard of her misfortune that I realized that I recongnized her."

I propped my six on the nav console because my legs were shaking. I felt excited and when I looked up, Sam was grinning and I smiled feeling that this was truly our first real lead.

~0i0~

The planet was in fact named Sar'rac according to the locals. We spent a good three hours searching the only two towns in the area the Jaffa indicated. We questioned countless people who either knew nothing or weren't willing to tell us anything.

We sent Meln'c and Ork back to the ship. Their Jaffa presence may have been the reason the people were not forthcoming with any information. Teal'c, in his SCG uniform seemed less of a threat.

Another hour into our search my patience was wearing thin. I stepped in front of two grizzled old men who tried to sidestep us. "We're looking for a woman who was brought here about a year ago. Vala Mal Doran."

"Don't know no Valer."

The other man was shaking his head. "Naw. Like Gerlic says, we don't know any Valer Maler Ran."

"She's our friend and she's been missing for about a year." Sam moved closer. "She had long dark hair."

Gerlic thought a good ten seconds. "Long har? Dark? Hmm."

"Pitch black." Teal'c interjected.

"About this tall?" Mitchell held a hand up to about the right height. "She would have been injured."

"Oh, that poor little thang? Me and Larcon found her in the snow lyin' thar like a tiny little bird, white as the snow, all that thar black har spread out like broken wings. We never did know her name. Had a bad injury. Her mind were all cluttered with fever. She'd get confused or maybe she din't wanna say. We called her Snow White cause she was so pale when we found her. She were growin' a little one. The Widder up yonder took her in, took care of her. "

"Widder?" Mitchell asked.

"Yeah, she being left by her dead husband."

"Widow. Got it."

"Where?" I demanded frustrated with their chatter.

"Little one?" Sam squeaked out. "What does that …"

I cut Sam off not really hearing her words, "How do we get there?"

"Well, now..." The man Larcon scratched his beard. "That's a problem. The Widder, she don't take well to strangers comin' up on her. The Widder is raisin' that kid, now."

I had to force words out, "What do you mean? What kid?"

"Snow growed that baby, but she only got sicker all during her confinement." Turning, Gerlic spit a tobacco-like substance into the street. "'Course, at first no one knowed about her being in a family way."

It grew quiet and I knew my friends were staring at me. I knew what they were thinking by the looks on their faces. The way they stood waiting for my reaction. And they were wrong. They think she was misused somewhere along the line.

"I'm the father." I said it so calmly and so matter-of-factly I barely recognized my own voice.

Sam has the most telling voice of any human I've ever heard. There is so much expression in a simple word when she has need of an explanation. "Daniel?"

Mitchell looked shocked and Teal'c, oddly, nodded as though it sounded perfectly normal to him.

"I'm sure. The timing's right." I turned to Gerlic and Larcon. "Where is she? Where is Vala... Snow White?"

It was Gerlic who spoke, quietly, taking his hat off and holding it in both hands over his belly. "Wern't nothing no one couldda done for that poor girl, more 'en the Widder did all those months. We all was thinkin' she was getting better. Anyways, the old woman buried her. All we could think to carve on her marker was 'Here lies Snow White'. I think it's been a month now."

Shocked, I flinch. Buried! A month! One God damned month! My head spun and I felt dizzy. Teal'c grabbed my arm, I suppose he saw me sway. It was all I could do to keep back the scream that sat burning in my throat. I could barely manage to breathe.

Larcon looked up the mountain. "Snow, she'd ride down to town with the Widder every so often and sometimes she'd ask the same question, 'Where's my Daniel?"

I ducked my head trying to hide the tears that stung my eyes, trying to hold on to my sanity.

"Sad little thing she was, wantin' her Daniel and wantin' to find a way home. Most times Snow'd show up she'd have her round decorated patches of material askin' if we knew where that place was... but aint none of us able to read it, they're on her marker, up on that mountain, right thar in the Widder's yard next to Snow's vegetable patch. Widder, she loved that poor girl like Snow was her own daughter."

"Round? Like this?" Mitchell pointed to his SG-1 patch.

I remained in a state of shock. Unable to do more than listen to the words flying around me. So close. I really thought I'd find her alive. I thought I would bring her back. Tell her I love her. I thought I had a second chance. I really did. And one month ago I would have.

"Yes sir-ree, that's like one of 'em. The Widder, she lost her man and her kid. Bein' a healer she naturally took to Snow, seein' that Snow was mighty sick with that injury and her gonna have a baby."

Finally my voice made it past the fire in my throat. "I want to go up there."

Gerlic shook his head sadly as he settled his hat back on his head. "Well the Widder's got her a big ole gun, had it since them wily critters with snakes in thar haid cashed their shiny metal ship here. Musta been the summer after the Widder lost her family. She couldn't a been more than twenty then. Walloped one of 'em with a big ole fryin' pan, took that gun and blasted holes in all five of 'em. The Widder, she can put a hole rite through you from clear across the holler."

"She were down here a day or so ago getting supplies, sellin' her licker. Prancing around with that chubby baby, cutest thang you ever saw. Before that baby she was getting' all forgetful and hard to get around what with her joints and all. But she's bounced back. Spry old gal. I think havin' that little one to take care of has her feelin' new again. If'in you're goin' up thar ya best be on your guard. I'll warn ya, the old woman is mighty protective and smells to high heaven being wrapped up in them furs and skins all the time. I guess that little one will get used to it. Ugly as sin, the Widder is."

~0i0~

The wagon road up the mountain was rutted and wound around for miles and miles. Gerlic suggested walking up and he pointed the way. "Right up thar. That way, through the woods. Save ya a good hour. The path is sometimes hard to spot in the spring. Just keep an eye out for it. It ain't too bad a climb for young folks." He wasn't interested in the trip up himself.

Mitchell eventually convinced Gerlic to guide us by trading in his uniform cap, a knife, and two energy bars for the man's time.

We hiked up for nearly thirty minutes in silence. The others periodically would take a surreptitious glance my way. I ignored them because I had to concentrate very hard to process my grief without just falling down and screaming.

Teal'c's deep voice when lowered is not nearly as low as he thinks. "Colonel Mitchell, how could that odorous man accuse another of 'smelling to heaven'?"

Mitchell let out a snort of laughter. "I don't know, but we better prepare ourselves for the worst."

I don't begrudge them their camaraderie and attempts at cheering each other up. I can tell by their voices that they too are on the edge. Sam remained silent walking beside me.

"Here ya are." Gerlic wheezed with breathlessness as we came into a clearing.

The cabin was neat, and appeared to have been recently white washed. The grounds were littered with broken wagons, a few pecking poultry looking creatures and odds and ends. Sort of an orderly chaos. One thing stood out - a well kept grave with fresh flowers on it, a crude marker with neatly carved words, _Here lies Snow White may she rest in peace. _

I didn't realize it would hit me so hard. I nearly vomited what little food or water I'd had. I turned away after seeing the faded and tattered patches of SG-1 and Earth, nailed to the rough hewn marker, moving in the warm spring breeze. I swear to all gods I wish I could lay down on that grave and die.

Gerlic spoke up. "The Widder had smoked her pipe, takin a shot of her licker, and went off to bed... that girl musta wondered off then – in that early spring snow storm that night – she didn't know nothin' 'bout the mountain."

I stifled a sob.

Gerlic continued. "The Widder found that poor thang the next mornin' layin' daid right there where she's buried. Such a pity. We all comed up – it was a nice send off, the Widder had buried her before she came down to let us know. Only time in my life I seen the Widder with her hood up, and her eyes lookin' down. Carryin' that babe like it was made outta the finest china. I swear to goodness she was droppin' tears off her chin. She didn't say much, and her voice was all sad and shakin'. We could barely understand the old gal."

Taking a breath the man remained quiet for a moment, but when no one spoke he continued his tale. "The old woman had got some flowers from down in the holler and laid 'em on the fresh mound of earth where Snow rested. It was sad... real sad, nobody deserves to die so young."

It was too much. I broke down, falling painfully to my knees beside the grave.

Sam knelt beside me her eyes full of tears, and placed a hand on my back, Mitchell, squeezed my shoulder, then turned away as if he couldn't hold back the emotions. I looked up to where Teal'c stood silently on the other side of the marker. Only once had I witnessed such an emotional expression on his usually stoic face – on Chulak, in the holding cell, when Apophis ordered all of us killed, and Jack spoke up.

I couldn't bare looking at my friends, her friends.

My hand trembled as I removed the patches, clutching them tightly. Tears stung my eyes and I uttered in despair, "Vala's dead. Dead and buried. Gone. This can't be real."

~TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Hope

Spacegypsy1

**~Chapter Four**

"_You can only come to the morning through the shadows." __**J.R.R. Tolkien**_

"We'll see she gets home, Daniel... for a proper burial." Mitchell's voice was raw as he once again laid a hand on my shoulder where I knelt beside Vala's grave. Beside me silent tears ran down Sam's face.

"Snow White does not seem an appropriate name, does it? Perhaps Jasmine would have been a better choice?"

As one, Sam, Mitchell and I turned to Teal'c who's countenance was as serious as a stone.

I heard Mitchell clear his throat. "Well, buddy, I don't think they ever heard of Disney's Snow White much less Aladdin. But I can see your point." He hooked his arm through mine and pulled me to my feet. "Come on, Daddy, we have business with the Widow." Walking a few feet ahead of me Mitchell headed for the cabin. After a moment he turned and gave me the 'aren't you coming?' look.

I took a deep breath. Pulled myself together. Realized the most amazing thing... I have a child and I need to be strong. I lost both my parents. But our child, mine and Vala's, would have me. That was something to think on. I wondered if the child, our child looked like her? Or me? Or both of us? A baby. Wow. Life sucks big time and then delivers up elation right on the tail of despair.

Standing there, head down, I couldn't seem to find the wherewithal to put one foot in front of the other. Hearing something I looked up, and all of a sudden, from a hole in the front door a Jaffa staff weapon appeared, spitting with readiness. Not far from me, both Mitchell and Teal'c spun around raising their weapons.

Before I could get to my side arm, Sam chided us. "Wait. There's a baby in there!" Sam stepped in front of us and raised her voice to be heard. "We're not going to hurt you. We've come to talk to you."

"Go away! Go away or die!" Through the wooden door the old woman's voice was muffled but she was clearly inflexible.

Our guide, Gerlic, stepped forward. "It's me Widder, Gerlic. These be friends of Snow White. They come to find her."

The staff blast, at full force, hit not six inches in front of Gerlic, who yelped and ran backwards a good three feet.

"Whoa!" Mitchell yelled, taking up a position closer to me as he held his hands up. "We're friends of Vala! We've been lookin' for her. We came to.." I nearly broke down again when Mitchell's voice cracked, "... to find her.. we need to..."

"Go!" The disembodied voice called out.

Sam gently pulled a patch from my grip, held it up and spoke, her voice soft. "This belonged to... to Snow White. Her name is Vala. The child is... belongs with the father. Daniel."

"Leave. Go away. No Vala here. Snow White will remain right where she is – for eternity." The woman primed the staff weapon once more. "And the baby stays."

As distraught as I was I noticed Sam cocked her head, curiously. I didn't have time to consider why. The staff blast that followed struck mere inches from my toes.

I jumped, snatching the other patch from Sam and held both up high. "See these? These are hers." Then I pointed first to my own patches and then to the grave. "See that grave? She was... we were... I'm Daniel. I'm the... father," my voice rose hardened with rampant emotion. "I'm the Daniel she was looking for. That baby is mine!"

Either the woman was a good shot and only meant to warn, or I got lucky as a next blast passed close enough to singe the hair on my neck.

The weapon disappeared, the opening snapped shut with a _thunk_, and all went quiet.

I was shaking with anger, eyes wide and darting wildly. "I'm going in there, that bitch is going to give me the baby!" Not letting anyone stop me I stormed the door, beat on it with a tight fist.

"Open this god damned door or I'll blast it open! You're going to talk to me one way or another. Or one of us will end up in a grave beside hers! Now! Please," I began to beg, anger suddenly gone. "Please."

Slowly the thud of a bolt resounded and the door creaked open. A shrouded figure appeared in the dark doorway, wrapped in wooly full length fur, hood covering her face, her head down. "You're Daniel?"

"Yes." I whispered. "I'm sorry to disturb you. I have to know. I have to know everything that happened to her. I need to see my... my child."

"Why didn't you come?" I could barely hear her, she mumbled so softly.

According to Gerlic, the woman had loved Vala like a daughter. The Widow must have wondered why no one came looking for Snow White. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I couldn't find her. I looked. I swear." I tried to give her a pleasant smile, but my lips trembled instead.

She pushed the hood back. "Daniel, you've come to rescue me at last!"

Gasping, I tripped backwards in shock. I was dumbfounded, unable to speak. I took another step back, baffled. Was I asleep and dreaming? If so, please God don't let me wake up.

"Vala?" I said in a bewildered whisper.

She was more beautiful than I've ever seen her. Dark hair shining. Eyes bright, though a bit wary. Her full breasts, flushed and nearly spilling out from her dress, were visible in the opening of the heavy fur she wore.

"Vala, it's really you." I swung around to look at the others as if I need assurance that she really was standing there. All of them were staring in amazement.

Gerlic's toothless mouth fell open. "Shet, that ain't the Widder! That's Snow White. What happened to the Widder, Snow?"

"The widow didn't wake up one morning. She died in her sleep." I heard Vala explain.

The baby began to cry and I turned towards the doorway.

"I'm, I'm sorry. I... later. Later." Stepping back into the cabin, Vala, a sudden look of panic on her face, shut and bolted the door.

Finally coming to my senses, I rushed forward. "Vala! Vala wait! Vala open the door. Please open the door."

I kept calling to her until I was nearly hoarse, and stood there until my friends tried to drag me away. I resisted, turning furiously towards Mitchell who was blinking back the shine of tears in his eyes. "Jackson... Daniel. Leave it be for now. She's..." his voice grew thick and he cleared his throat. "She's alive, man. Alive. God damn! Vala's alive." He tugged on my arm. "Come on, buddy. Let's... let's back off a bit. Give her some time."

We stopped at the tree line. Gerlic took off at a run down towards town. Once we stopped, Sam came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her forehead rested on my back and she cried, sobbing happily, mixed with a healthy dose of wonder.

After a moment, Sam let go and walked back towards the cabin door leaving me standing there, watching her, as if I were frozen in time.

"It's me, Vala. Sam." I heard her call out. "I just want you to know we'll be back tomorrow, early. Maybe we can talk then. We'll camp on the edge of the woods. We'll be close by if you need us."

I rushed towards the cabin, but Teal'c waylaid me. "We can't leave her here!" I croaked out, jerking violently to free myself from Teal'c's strong grip.

Mitchell laid a hand on my shoulder. "Jackson! Chill. Of course we won't leave her."

Sam returned to my side. "Daniel, I knew it was her voice. She's...she's.. just confused. She's been through a lot. Right, Teal'c?"

"What Colonel Carter is trying to say, Daniel Jackson, is that Vala Mal Doran is alive, She appears to be in excellent health, though I suspect she has been through more than 'a lot'. We must give her time to adjust, to us, to seeing you. Surely she is afraid it's all unreal. It must be as disconcerting for her to see us as it is for us to see her. We will wait close by. We will protect her. Come."

I stopped fighting my team and let them pull me away.

Vala is alive. We have a baby. And I'm not sure either of the two of us is sane.

_**~0i0~**_

At first we were all in shock.

For the next few hours Mitchell just kept repeating, "Damn. She's really alive," over in over.

Teal'c would intermittently walk a short distance and stare at the cabin quietly, then return, nod, clasp his hands behind his back and report. "All is well."

Sam chatted about everything from the sound of the tree frogs to looking forward to 'girl time', and then she'd squelch a sob with a fake hiccup.

I was speechless. Desperate to jump up and run to the cabin. Out of my mind with thoughts of _what if_ and _what's next._

Throughout the rest of the night I stared into the campfire. Teal'c fed logs into the fire until he ran out of wood and wandered off in search of more. Mitchell whittled twig after twig into minute shards that he tossed on the ground.

Sam came to sit beside me, her head on my shoulder, periodically sighing and telling me how happy she was that we had found Vala.

I guess I hadn't thought much about their friendship and how Sam felt. Or Mitchell... Cam, who had always been like a big brother to Vala and who was unable to protect her that day. And Teal'c who cared very deeply for her, who knew her deepest pain in ways none of the rest of us ever could.

Very late into the night, or possibly early in the morning, for no reason at all, I spoke. "A baby." I said in awe. "Weird, eh?"

Sam yawned, head still on my shoulder, and patted my leg. "You'll be a wonderful father."

"Thank you. I wonder if it's a girl, with dark hair like her mother?"

"I never would have guessed this outcome. I missed her so much I had to stop going to Victoria Secret! And as much as I wanted... wanted her to be... okay, I never thought..." A sob escaped from Sam and I put my arm around her, surprised to be the comforter, as tears gathered in my own eyes.

Mitchell stopped whittling, wiped his eyes by running his arm across his face. "Damned smoky fire. Well, I suppose we'll have to set up a nursery at the SGC."

Sitting straighter I all but knocked Sam over as I shot Mitchell a horrified look. "We will not!"

"Aw, come on, Ja... Daniel" Mitchell continued, "It's the safest place to be. You don't want Junior or Juniorette at the local Baby Ranglin' Day Care while you work!"

"Cam, you know I won't be working, not off world, and not at the SGC. I'll be being a daddy and if I'm lucky a husband."

"Maybe you both can consult? Bring the kid in the office?"

Standing, Sam grinned. "Perfect solution. Otherwise, Daniel, you'd be bored and you'd drive Mama Vala crazy. Good night... or actually good morning. I'm going to take a little nap before the sun gets too high."

I turned to see just a hint of pink on the horizon. "Good night." I said as Mitchell mumbled the same.

Stopping halfway across the campsite, Sam turned. "Daniel you should sleep. This is probably the last time you will get a good nights sleep. Well, the night's over but at least you can catch a nap."

"Huh? What?" I looked over to Sam who stood by her sleeping bag grinning, and I was thinking I haven't had a good night's sleep since Vala disappeared.

"A baby, Daniel. When there's a baby in the house no one sleeps." She crawled into her sleeping bag.

I laughed. It felt so good. I hadn't laughed in a long time.

~0i0~

Warm sun woke me a few hours later. We'd all fallen asleep at some point. Me, I just curled up on the grass beside the fire. Mitchell made it to his sleeping bag near Sam's and Teal'c... wait, "Teal'c?"

"I am here Daniel Jackson. Vala Mal Doran has invited us to breakfast."

I shot straight up from a reclined position to standing in one movement. "Wha... er … Vala? Oh right, did you talk to her?"

"It would be difficult for me to know of her invitation had I not talked to her."

"Where?"

"I did not ask. I assumed breakfast would be at the cabin."

"No. Where did you talk to her?"

"In her yard as she gathered eggs and fed her Slake."

"Slake? She calls the baby Slake?"

"Chicken like creatures."

"Oh. How is she?"

"She is well."

"And...and the … the baby?"

"I did not see the child, as it was asleep when I arrived."

"Oh. So you don't know what kind of baby it is?" I looked off towards the house.

"It is a human baby. I shall wake the others."

"Right. Er. She's okay?"

"She is very much okay."

I started walking towards the cabin talking to no one in particular. "Of course it's a human baby! I meant is it a boy or a girl baby."

As I drew closer I spotted Vala. She had the baby in her arms and she was dancing around in the yard, cooing and singing to the child. I stopped, watching. Mind-boggling emotions temporarily paralyzed me. My gaze adored the swirl of her dress as she swayed, my ears delighted in her soft cooing voice. I stared enthralled by raven hair that shone in the sunlight as she moved, both hers and what peeked out of the baby's blanket.

There was an overwhelming urge to run and take her in my arms that was difficult to ignore, but I knew she was skittish. I had to take it slow. Torturous to say the very least. I moved closer and closer very slowly.

She looked up and saw me and she smiled. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

My heart had jumped up into my throat when she smiled, so I had to take a second to respond. "Oh, no, no it's fine."

"I... I panicked."

"It's fine, Vala. Really. My God, it's so, so good to see you. You look wonderful."

My gaze shifted from her flushed face to the bundle she cradled in her arms. I hoped she realized I was staring at the baby and not her full breasts.

"Daniel, would you like to hold him?"

"Him. Ah. Er. Yes." When she handed him over he was incredibly light, soft, warm. I was a little nervous but I think I managed it pretty well. "What's his name?" I asked, peeking deeper into the blanket she had him bundled up in. I had spied some tiny fingers and I wanted a closer look.

"Baby Danny. I mean I call him, Baby Danny. Daniel? What's wrong?" She almost took him from me, her voice ladened with concern when I let out an astonished sigh.

"Nothing, he's... he's so incredibly cute. He's beautiful and perfect. Like his mother." I looked up and smiled.

"Oh." She breathed a sign of relief smiling again. "Well, actually his name is just Daniel. Not junior. I couldn't bare the thought... when I had a thought, that Jack would never let that go."

It took a second or so to process that this tiny child was my son and the fact that her lighthearted comment indicated that she felt more at ease today. I couldn't stop the grin that spread on my face when I looked at her.

Vala had her bottom lip between her teeth and she was twisting to and fro. I have never wanted a woman more than I did at that instant. I wanted her in my arms, my mouth on hers, my hands exploring. I wanted to hurry home, let her sit on my lap as I tried to work. Let her twirl on a stool and chatter all day long. I wanted to hear her coo to the baby. I wanted her in every way for ever and ever.

"I have pancakes." Vala looked behind me and I knew the others had arrived. Her gaze came back to me, "And coffee. I have coffee. It grows quite abundantly here. Altought I have to roast and grind it myself. I had considered opening a coffee shop. I am quite good at it." She laughed and for a second I thought I'd pass out by the lack of air as I held my breath.

Vala stood at the door a moment and I noticed Sam quickly, gently, squeeze Vala's hand as she passed her. Mitchell mumbled, "Princess," in a choked up tone. Teal'c bowed deeply. And I swallowed hard, and followed her into the small house and on to the open kitchen area.

Sam took the baby from me. Mitchell took over the making of the pancakes and Teal'c watched him like a sentinel ready to take over if necessary.

Sitting at the table across from me, Vala spoke softly, "A few months after I was left here you should have seen me. I was very thin with this big baby bump. I looked like a spinely twig someone had stuck a ball in its middle!" She grew quiet a moment, then rushed on. "I was so afraid. Confused. Disoriented. I kept having high fevers and bouts where I was delusional. I remember Gerlic and Larcon taking me to Merla's, here. They call her the Widder, as in Widow. Merla is...was a wonderful healer. Just look at baby Danny, he's so chubby and healthy. And me too!"

Our hands were mere inches apart in the middle of the table, mine itching to touch, and hers, I think, were too, but we both seemed unsure.

"I did keep having some episodes of delusions occassionaly," Vala continued, here eyes locked with mine. "But they eventually passed leaving just a few moments now and then of panic. Like yesterday. For months I worried that Rah'lee would come back for me. Not too many details remain from my time on her ship. I know she has a thing for Ba'al and wanted to hand me over as a great prize. She wasn't the first bounty hunter to come after me, according to her. Then, I think she botched the job by all but killing me. So she fled with me in tow. Mostly to make sure Ba'al didn't find me... dead.

"I felt safe up here, though. Merla took me to town now and then trying to find out who I was. I knew, of course, at least most of the time, but I didn't tell Merla for a long time. I knew I wanted to go home. I remembered faces but not all the names. I was certain I did not come from this planet. It was totally unfamiliar. And I worried that Rah'lee would come back to make sure I was dead, and if she found me alive she would take me away. And I hoped, every day, every night, I hoped that you lived, Daniel, and you would find me if I could hide out long enough.

"Once I realized I was pregnant and Merla nursed me back to good health, I actually started remembering everything. Some not so pleasant, I might add. Merla said I had a brain fever and I said, 'so what's new?' she didn't see the humor in that one. But pretty soon I put all the pieces together." Vala took my hand. "I knew you would come."

I couldn't speak. Her touch burned clear to my heart. I could only squeeze her hand and nod for fear I would do something stupid. Like kiss her madly. Frighten her with how desperately I need her. I settled for caressing her soft skin with my thumb.

"When Merla died in her sleep I was so frightened, I felt vulnerable, and I didn't like that feeling. It was like I wasn't me. I had Danny to take care of so I decided if I could fool the town's people into thinking I... that Vala died, if Rah'lee came back we would be safe.

"I already had a bit of anonymity with being named Snow White. What a ridiculously funny name for me! I'm so much more a Jasmine!" She looked away as if seeking confirmation. She scanned the room, I turned seeing that Teal'c smiled and nodded. Sam and Mitchell watched wide-eyed and were listening intently.

"I want to thank you all for not giving up on me. And for camping out over there and watching over me. It's been a long time since I felt completely safe."

The others mumbled replies. Sam settled Danny into his bassinet. Mitchell served up the pancakes and Teal'c poured more coffee. We all sat there quietly. Suddenly I stood. I had to get out for a moment before I lost it, all I wanted was to hold her in my arms. "I'll... I'll be right back guys." I blurted out as I dashed towards the door.

I heard someone come out behind me and I knew it was Vala.

"I don't know how to process all this." I told her honestly. "I can't seem to get a hold of my... feelings. I... I thought I might never find you. And when I get the best damned lead they said you were dead. And we have a son. And I never told you that I love you."

"Don't be silly, Daniel, of course you did."

"I did?"

She touched my face. "Maybe not with words, darling, but we didn't need words that night."

"I love you. God, how I have missed you." I couldn't hold back another second and I reached for her.

She all but knocked me over when she threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest. "I know, and I love you."

I lifted her face up with a gentle finger and stared down into those lovely grey eyes.

"Daniel," She whispered in her very alive and very sexy Vala way, "are you going to kiss me or not?"

~END


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